The most important aspect of schooling is control. Without permission, you may not stand, speak, urinate, quench your thirst. You may not disagree, and a lot of times, you may not ask questions. As Grace Llewellyn writes,
“School controls the way you spend your time (what is life made of if not time?), how you behave, what you read, and to a large extent what you think.… There are lots of good reasons to quit school, but to my idealistic American mind, the pursuit of freedom encompasses most of them and outshines the others. If you look at the history of ‘freedom,’ you notice that the most frightening thing about people who are not free is that they learn to take their bondage for granted, and to believe that this bondage is ‘normal’ and natural. They may not like it, but few question it or imagine anything different.”
And what does school prepare you for? Work!
To me, most work I’ve done has been incredibly boring at the least, and equally soul-sucking at times. I’ve been working half of my life, in various so-called skilled and unskilled jobs. I was employed full-time for many years, for no apparent reason that I can now discern. Although I was making what I considered to be a lot of money, I accumulated a lot of debt. I accumulated a lot of stuff. I spent all my time working and consuming. And all that time, I was trying to figure out what was missing from my life. It turns out my whole life was missing. I was stuck in this very rigid routine that was incredibly unsatisfying. A few random happenings, most importantly my daughter’s arrival, have led to what we have now: a stay-at-home family, a beautiful, rich life (just not rich in money).
A few months before I quit my job to be unemployed for two years and two months, I read a book by Michael Fogler called Unjobbing: The Adult Liberation Handbook. It’s a fairly straight-forward book, asking people to think about the sad fact that “in a large sense, life = job.” Although it seems like work-consume-die is our millennial mantra, he reminds us that for 99 percent of the time that humans have been on Earth, “people have lived communally, in tribes and villages. The kind of life we take for granted and is normal today—big cities where adults and children leave their single-family homesteads all day for work (or schooling) in large institutional settings—is only a very recent phenomenon. This has been the case for less than one percent of the time humans have inhabited Earth.”
Fogler asks people to do some figuring. Start with your take-home pay and divide it by the hours you work. Lower than you expected? Just wait! Now, figure out the time you actually spend for work. This may include your commute, time spent getting ready to go to work, your lunch hour (which isn’t really your own time), time needed for you to unwind from the job, and any other time, paid or unpaid, that is sucked up by your job. Then let’s think about expenses. Add up the money you spend for work. These expenses can include clothing and dry-cleaning, petroleum (if you wouldn’t have a car except for work, include your car payment & insurance in that cost), child-care, lunches out (and dinners out because you’re too tired to cook), medical care, etc. Deduct this amount of money from your net salary, and now figure out what you really make per hour of job time. Is it really worth it?
Just to tell you my example, when I did this experiment, I was at my peak of earnings, almost $13 an hour. When I added up all the time I spent at my job and all the “real” money I was making, it brought my wage down to $5 an hour. Suddenly the cd I was buying for $15 was not worth three hours of my life. Suddenly many things were not worth my life to pay for. Suddenly my job and my jerk boss were not worth keeping if I was only making $5 an hour. Fogler writes about the growing trend of two wage-earners per family and states that “many of these couples are discovering that the spouse with the ‘second income’ is typically spending (for clothing, transportation, meals, childcare, timesavers, higher tax bracket, etc.) as much money—and sometimes more—because of the job than he or she is making from the job.” Shocking what we can learn if we really think about what we are doing.
Fogler writes that perhaps what is missing from our lives is community. “Actions which save money, improve one’s health, and help the environment quite often increase the amount of community in one’s life.… Community is an important ingredient that seems to be universally desired. It’s interesting that the lifestyle choices which are expensive and taxing on the environment have also resulted in a decrease in community among people. Our society has definitely suffered from this decrease in community.” What got us through 99 percent of humanity’s time living on earth has been community. The nuclear family and all its accessories are not an adequate substitute for sharing, with tribe and community.
Bringing up practical matters for people interested in unjobbing, Fogler asks people to think about the money they spend on specific items, such as: housing, food, car, newspaper and cable television, clothing, travel and entertainment. Fogler suggests, and I can attest that it helped me, that keeping track of every expense is a good idea. It can be shocking to realize where and how quickly the money goes. For example, we found that our mortgage payment was half the rent we paid at an apartment complex ($250 versus $525). We started buying unprocessed food—that is, we bought grains, beans, vegetables, and fruits, and cooked everything from scratch. We ate vegan for a while (not microwavegan) and had our food budget down to $80 a month. We found that we were spending about $4000 a year on our car, between car payments, insurance, gas, and maintenance. We realized that even if we bought three junkers a year for $1000 each, we would be saving money. We were fortunate enough to be given a car that needed some fixing up. We sold our new car for what we owed, and delighted in the world of no car payments and just liability insurance. And now, that clunker will be the last vehicle we ever own. I know that buying petroleum is not in line with my values and is not worth my life energy to purchase.
Back when my husband had health insurance, we were appalled at how much we were spending on this “benefit.” We could never afford to go to the doctor because we couldn’t afford the deductible and co-payments. After keeping track of expenses, we realized we were spending thousands of dollars a year on insurance. We quickly canceled it and then were able to go to the doctor when we needed to see one. The weekly chai apiece became a $300 yearly investment that I was unwilling to make. We don’t ever buy newspapers, and we haven’t owned a television in this century. We seldom travel, just to see friends and family, and usually only spend money on the transportation to get there. I have found that I rarely succumb to impulse buying because I rarely go shopping anymore.
Ahh, the chains of the law have been broken, if they ever existed. If material possessions no longer possess you, making (more) money will no longer be a guiding force in your life. As Fogler writes, “The more you can lower your expenses, the more freedom you will have to be the person you truly want to be.” I’m sure not many of us are excited to be “a clerk”, or whatever your job title may be right now. It’s depressing to think that what our job title happens to be becomes what we are. I remember reading something a few years ago in which an African-American man states that upon meeting a white person, the first question he was usually asked was, “What do you do?” Why is it so important? Because full-time workers spend their lives pushing the levers of the Leviathan instead of living in their communities?
As the CrimethInc. (ex-)Workers’ Collective writes in their book Recipes for Disaster, “There are plenty of good reasons not to sell your labor on the market. Perhaps you don’t like what that labor is being used to do: transform forests into landfills, perpetuate meaningless busywork as a way of life, centralize wealth in the hands of a rapacious few. Perhaps you have a better idea of how that energy should be employed, and no corporation or organization is offering you a salary to do what you think needs doing. Perhaps you’re one of those dangerous hedonists who have somehow gotten it into their heads that life is supposed to be fun and exciting.”
Fun and exciting sounds a lot more interesting than getting up by an alarm clock to make sure I look like everyone else, dropping my kid off at daycare, and heading to work every damn day. Indeed, it is. Reclaiming my life, the life of my family, and in large part, our community, seems to be where it’s at for us.
____________________
Myra Eddy is a midwestern anarchist artist housewife with a passion for nourishing plants, people, and community; she is already living in the next paradigm and hopes to see you there.
I think about this sort of thing a lot. currently, I work 3 hours per day from home, and I am fortunate to work in a profession where I am paid pretty handsomely for it, but I don’t expect it to last. However, my experience has been that it feels very isolated and lonely. Granted, part of my problem is that I have twins, nearly 3, one of whom has an autism spectrum disorder, which means that it is hard to go too many places because of a need to provide him with constant interaction (which is his therapy). But my neighbors, with a child the same age as mine, are never ever home. They are always working or running errands. I have a friend who lives only 1 mile away and also has a son the same age as mine, but she also is never ever home. Same story, except when she is home she is exhausted and needs to decompress. My question is, have you found that you are able to connect with a community in your unjobbing? I have come to appreciate that many people get the jobs, not for the money or even the benefits (although they think they do), but really just because they need it to feel that they are a part of society. I am at a loss as to how to unjob and unschool for the long haul and be part of a tribe, rather than spend all day long just me and my 2 sons? At some point, we just have to have some more people in our lives ….
Being a stay at home family is fun and awesome, but it can be a lonely experience until you hook up with a tribe. The nuclear family is over-rated. Life in general becomes easier and more rewarding when you can find a community to belong to, to belong with.
My community involves many stay-at-home moms, some with small children and some that homeschool. We do not always have a lot in common philosophically, other than we enjoy each others’ presence; we get the idea of community and we’re willing to put effort into a lasting relationship. I also know several scarcely employed artists, or what you might call life artists, who have the time to put care into a relationship. It can be frustrating to meet cool people, and not get to hang out, because they’re too busy. I mean, that’s just too bad! I have many friends and acquaintances that work, and we hang out on the rare occasion when we get the chance.
It amuses me that I was a total outcast growing up, with no friends. And now I have so many friends–I’m so blessed! I would not be where I am now without my community.
Myra, I really enjoyed reading your two posts – I especially appreciate the math of how your are able to afford the un-working un-schooling life. I think it’s important for folks that are considering it to know that where there is a will there is a way.
On the topic of communities – I also have a challenge. I unschooled for all of high school and lived by The Teenage Liberation Handbook – it was my God-send. Now I’m un-working and finding it hard to keep the juices flowing without the level of interaction that you normally get when you are in the work box. It doesn’t help that I live in Scandinavia – an area of the world where “small talk” is like a dirty word.
I don’t have kiddies to get me connected on the family to family level. The only other thing I’ve been trying is to get out to a local freelance cafe where other freelancers all sit in the room and drink coffee and stare into their computers. But…well, it is the way it sounds.
I’m hopeful that with people being all the more connected to the internet – that unworking unschooling folks can find ways to develop lasting relationships via the web. I have hopes to unschool my kids here but the Danish system is not very accommodating unless you are a farmer (4H clubs and the like) so I’m hoping to be able to do some sort of 4H-ness via Webchat and Skype…I think that could be an interesting alternative – an internationally linked unschooling and unworking community.
First, Myra e i very much liked the article, and breaking it down as per Fogler suggests does paint a very strong picture for reassessing what my time is worth.
I wanted to respond to Indra; writing comments on blog entries seems to be a good way to find like-minded people. I mean hey they are already reading the same things you are so there is at least that level of interest, and you may find that in the comments you have even more in common than just your likes of ‘surfing material’.
The case in point, I’m also located in Denmark (Aarhus area). Right now i work part-time from home, so don’t get out as much as id like, but i think soon ill be doing what you suggest and try the local cafes to try and find some like minded “non-workers”. My idea is that maybe we ‘non-workers’ can just think up things to do (make, build, experiment) and make a game of finding stuff (like dumpster-diving) and just brainstorm ways to make some smaller scale communities even here in Scandinavia.
Drop me an email at my blog if your in the Aarhus area or want to keep up communication.
meeting people can prove to be difficult. i am not a bar person, nor do i go out much at night, given that i have a kid in bed, plus no money to frit away at things like that. ideas for meeting people–farmers markets, book stores, the bus or other mass transit, demonstrations, bike rides, walking around the neighborhood and saying hi. i started a food not lawns group here, to see if i could meet anyone involved in permaculture. it was a lot of work, but i met a lot of people, and got the whole let’s change the world and not charge a damn dime for it meme floating around. keep it up!
I love so many people are working it out and starting to look at life a little more reflectively. Tnanks for people like you who are passing on the message and living the road less travelled (as it SHOULDN’T BE) of course.
Bright moments.
Myra, I am an anarchist mama in DC and so appreciate your perspective. I think it’s amazing what you are doing and I so wish I could do the same.
I get the unjobbing concept for sure. Yet I don’t see how this would work for single parents with no family or other supports.
I am a single mother living in an expensive part of the country and can’t see a way out of the grind. I need to stay put where I am because I don’t want to take my child away from his father who lives here. I have a job that is very supportive. I work from home and so don’t need to worry about spending $ on fancy clothes, gas etc. We live very simply and still I am not sure how to live more simply without living on the street.
I guess as a single mother with no additional source of income, I don’t see how it is possible. Perhaps I need to open my eyes more and see some possibilities. I hope I don’t sound too frustrated, the frustration is not aimed at you, just the situation. Thanks for letting me vent.
Leah, I just saw your comment and I wanted to say something because I really can’t imagine how hard that must be for you!! That is a tough pickle you are in. I certainly have not managed to “unjob” either, but I have noticed that every big change I’ve ever managed to make in my life came in very slow and gradual steps, so maybe this is something that can work like that for you too, eventually. You know, maybe you can begin to develop a hobby that is a real passion for you and over time it will just start to bring in money for you. Also, although I am lucky to still be married and have a very small number of relatives in town, I also feel like I just don’t have enough support around here where I live. My plan, whch I havent’ implemented yet, is to start going to the local unitarian-universalist church, where I am hopeful that I will meet a lot of people who are like-minded in a lot of ways socially, and hopefully can build a network that way. Never been very religious, but was psyched when I learned that there was a church where you really can be atheist and it’s okay, and still get a lot of good out of it. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard, so I’m going to check it out. Not that I’m exactly an atheist, I’m just an I don’t know/don’t like church kind of person. But I think community is really important. I think that there are probably a lot of very warm hearted progressive liberal parents with small children at the unitarian church. It’s my hope anyway. Good luck to you!
To unjob doesn’t necessarily mean to quit all jobs. The reality is that we’re trying to build community in the midst of Babylon. Money is a necessity to many people, and especially if you have kids. I am a single mom too. I work part-time, minimally. I am blessed to live in what is considered my city’s ghetto.
I think a lot of the oomph behind unjobbing is just to get people to THINK about what they are doing. A lot of people just try to make the most money they can, and spend 25% more than that. It sounds like you’ve thought about what you’re doing and are doing the best you can. That’s all any of us can do!
A supportive community is so important, especially for people with children. A kid needs a tribe as much as a parent. I am not sure how or why, but I seem to be able to hook up with a lot of people, from all kinds of backgrounds. I get so much emotional and spiritual support; it’s unbelievable! Several times I’ve had the experience of another mom-friend tell me that they owe me so much. And I am astonished, because I feel that I owe them so much. There is so much abundance, we all feel blessed!
The good news is that as industrial civilization collapses, the unschooling/unjobbing life will become a respected option many intelligent people will select.
Fogler probably never thought this would happen, but it is coming, and sooner than we think.
I actually look forward to this.
Great posts these…I’ve always been curious about the trend toward one person households (check out last 2-3 censuses and see how household size is plummeting). But if you really look carefully at it, this trend is invaluable for the corporate machine as it is the “new” market for homebuilding and also diminishes community rather than bringing it together. We then become less tolerant of each other and our personal idiosyncrasies. I agree that community building and finding common needs and values is critical. Keep it up!
Chris R.
The Localizer Blog
We are a stay at home family. It wasn’t by choice at first. But now, I can’t bare to be without my husband by my side. The idea that he would be gone for 8 to 10 hours a day with strangers (!) is frightening. Now if he works, he will be amongst neighbors. There are many stay at home families here now. I guess the recession is teaching more people how to live without money.
I also unschool my kids at home. My eldest (age 13) is on par with her local public school peers and she still has time to paint, garden, draw, and tend animals. What is public school..if not free day care or pseudo parents? Public school has become so over reaching into the family now, that they claim they have guardianship over children during school hours! Like hell! Thankfully I joined a nice organization that sees things the same way as you… HSLDA. They are very religious (and not even my religion) but they have the right idea about how families should get to decide how they live their lives.
I’m really happy I stumbled across this and your last article. I just began a leave of absence (a slower way of quitting that happens open to be open to me as a college teacher) and will be moving to an anarchist community in the NW of Washington state in a few weeks. Lately I admit I have been asking myself – “Are you out of you friggin mind??” Part of my doubts come from the incessant questions of (mostly) well-meaning friends. They keep asking things like: “What are you going to do about healthcare? Are you sure it’s such a good idea in the current economic climate? What are you going to do for ‘a living’?” As if wage slavery were living… And I’ve had it relatively good as an academic.
Thanks for the pep talk. Now I have some more ideas about how to respond.
-G
A word of caution, just because I have been called out on cheerleading before. This kind of life does not exactly resemble normal and comfortable. It takes some adjusting to and some getting used to. My life is a lot more physically uncomfortable than it used to be–cold in winter, hot in summer, the physical labor involved in carrying wood and water and growing food (though I prefer it to sitting at a desk). Living with no health care means we have to rely on ourselves to be healthy, requiring us to take responsibility to eat medicine in the form of good food and herbs, to labor and rest, and to allow our community to hold us in brilliant spirits in this dark and cold time of year. It also means good fortune in knowing an herbalist, midwife, or other helpful, caring and knowledgeable member of your community. There are certainly times when life pulls the rug out from under you, no matter what kind of life you are living. That’s just how it is.
Now the cheerleader in me insists on butting in here! This drop out life might be physically harder (somewhat, I mean… I like physical labor, myself), but it’s much more psychologically comfortable. Yes, as much as possible, I avoid anything that makes me feel icky, whether it’s voting, working a large quantity of my waking life, not having the time to nurture my kid (school, daycare), shopping…the list goes on (and I’m sure it’s different for all of us). That’s dropping out, sure, but it’s the dropping in that can make all the difference in living a reality-based life.
When I began to have time to nurture human relationships, the blessings began to flow. It’s just incredible how the universe, god, karma…whatever …flows whatever I need to me (though not always what I want). Part of that is, of course, the ability to see blessings everywhere I look. Not everyone can live in a ghetto and see that she’s really surrounded by beautiful people living in community in the garden of eden. I’m no fool, and I can see both realities all at once. I do everything I can to make my reality as living in the hands of the gods, so to speak. It’s chaos, it’s beauty, adventure, tragedy (inevitable, unfortunately), it’s full on hardcore love and passion.
And then the skeptic steps forth, for the final word. Yes, but beware, we are responsible for creating our own realities, and we must be up to that task before we break out of this black iron prison that many of us, entranced, mistake for the cave of treasures. (pkd)
If you’re the typical imaginative big-brained creative human who is capable of feeling emotions, you’ll probably adapt fairly well, and honestly, I highly encourage you!
Myra E,
Thanks for the cautions. Yeah, I’m not going into this naively — I lived at the place for a bit last summer and I know what’s what — no refrigeration, no shower (but there is a creek and a wood fired sauna), small dwellings, hard work, and pretty primitive conditions overall. But then I actually actually enjoy winter camping, and have quite a bit of wilderness experience as well as some wilderness first aid skills. I’m ready for some hardship, but it is the human element that makes it doable. Good people who support each other are the key.
Lately my life out here in “civilization” seems more and more unreal. It’s really hard to convince people who know and can imagine nothing but our oil soaked way of life that anything else is either possible of desirable.
Peace,
G
MyraE: enjoy your perspective and your attention to your own needs and those of your daughter. You are living a life of a 3rd world woman in what still passes for a 1st world. You can have time or money. Right now as we approach the end of our debt laden profligate industrial economy, many more of our people will be experiencing a new frugality, some embracing it, many cursing it. The American Dream never had a future and the great delamination is now underway. People like you will make this delamination bearable and even enjoyable. I salute you. I now live on in one month what I used to earn in one day but going back to that overpaid horrible job as a physician has no appeal. It’s time or money, Myra. cheers and godspeed.
[…] Old Tradition tuath of tasty truths. In addition to writing the two-part feature on unschooling and unworking, Myra puts out The Village Magazine and has recently finished a book of and on […]
For us it was the book Your Money Or Your Life – one branch of “Voluntary Simplicity” – or better still “Intentional Living”. Make your choices and re-evaluate how they turned out; but don’t run with the herd or let the current take you by default.
I’m glad that unschooling is working for you. We’ve seen examples that make us want more for our kids; so we have a bit of daily work. Mind you it’s interesting how bath time can involve screams about getting wet; and yet a swimming class (with someone else as teacher) can have the same child dunking their head and not complaining as they fail to stay afloat!
What’s shocked me was just how much useless homework kids get these days (public school). It seems it’s not enough to consume their time at school!
I am a single mom, anarcho-primitivist, living in an east coast Babylon, going f-ing crazy. I really think I am the only single mom, anarcho-primitivist within three hundred miles of here. I don’t really have much of a choice right now, but I’m hoping to get back to my (non-blood) relations back in northern California in the next few years. The ass-backwards way I am avoiding working right now is… going to school! LOL . . . not! My folks, who I am temporarily financially dependent upon & who watch my son while I’m in school, insist on sending my son to preschool this year (he’s four). So, on top of all the arguments I have against that bs, I’m coming up against the state/school system about not getting him immunized. Sometimes I think it’d be better to risk being houseless & on the streets with a child than to live the life we’re living. It’d probably be LESS dangerous to our (physically, mental/emotional, spiritual) health than this life.
I also wanted to add that I used to live a pretty primitive existence… as a direct action forest defender. And I was also, during the same period of time, alternately houseless out of philosophical, socio-political choice (“live simply so others may simply live”). I crave that life again. I’m just hesistant to do what may have my child taken away from me for doing. But you know, if I found an established, egalitarian, autonomous, even quasi-primitivist commune that would take us (a poor single mama & her son) in, I would probably go there in a heartbeat.
Hi Wren. Thank you so much for yr comments. We’ve been taking an informal break through August, but just wanted to say that your voice has been heard. Will write more come September.
Thank you! 🙂
This is one of the best articles I have ever read, incredibly pertinent to my life ( ok everyones). Thank you so much!!